Activists' Community

A new article from Peter Jacob was added to the website. See at
http://www.newauthority.net/resources/articles.aspx

Hello,

It is my first response on the forum since the training in Tel Aviv. But this does not mean that I wasn’t doing anything with NVR...
Before I start I want to thank the team of Chaim Omer for the magnificent training! It gave me a lot of energy and ideas!
We now started with different NVR groups in our Centre, so you will here more about me, but here already 2 examples I want to share with you.

Coaching: I only can control myself & presence
There was a girl that lived in one of our studio’s who never wanted to talk with her assistant. The assistant went every week and tried to do a conversation, but without any result. The assistant started to doubt the effectiveness of her work, herself and started to have difficult feelings towards the girl. On our reunion we talked with her en told her she was doing a good job. We told her that ‘she can only control herself’ and that she gives the girl every week the chance to talk, because she shows every week her presence. The assistant felt better about herself and about the girl and there was less pressure on the relationship.

Telephone round in ambulant settings
One boy that lives in a studio in the center of Brussels has a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol. He is now in our Centre already 2 years, in different groups and we tried already lot’s of things to stop his behavior. For a while things were better, but we now heard that he started drinking a lot, doesn’t go to school and that he sometimes gets in trouble with the police. Everybody feels powerless because it seems that we tried already everything…
But then we came up with the idea to do an announcement… In this announcement we expressed our concern and took a firm stance against his behavior because we care for him. We told him that we would ask help of his friends. When we wanted to read the announcement to him, he was already there with a friend so we could immediately ask his help. The agreed to do this. Now we phone every week to this and other friends to ask if they want to say to him that we are concerned, that we want the best for him and that we want that he goes to school and that he has to be careful not to get in trouble.

Dear Kerstin,
Interesting, keep on going.
Concerning the boy and his friends: wunderfull that you managed to activate them. A colleague of Patsi (Bram) some time ago organised 2 supportersmeetings with interesting results. In the case of a boy, hanging around with peers, frequent schoolabsences, suspected drugabuse, ... he first convinced the parents to do a supportersmeeting. Their social network was very scarce so they invited people from the neighbourhood. 8 families responded to the invitation. They all reported similar problems !!! but they were facing them alone and now found each other and can take action together. As the boys also wanted to talk with Bram, he organised a second supportersmeeting (together with the boy in question). As a matter a fact they took some engagements to prevent him being placed in residential care. For example one of them started picking him up in the morning to go to school together ....

In our foster care project we also managed to organise some supportersmeetings, always with good results. The greatest problem is to motivate people, to convince people to seek for help in their network and to start acting in openness. This can be very difficult and often fails.

Yours,
Frank

Thank you Frank for your reaction!

It is a good idea to do the combination of supportersmeetings and the telephone rounds! We will do!

We are also faced with the problem that it is difficult to motivate people to seek for help in their network... So if someone has good advices...

In our organisation we are also faced with the problem that somstimes a child or youngster has practically no network. So thanks to the NVR training we also actively try to connect our children or youngsters to networks.

Hi kerstin,
yes, motivation is often the hardest part of getting families to turn to their support network. Many approaches can work. The obvious is of course relating to thier fears and reservations (thier embarresment, they feel uncomfortable that they will burden thier friends, their fear that it won't work). Here I try to motivate them with the confidence of past and accumalated experience, i.e "most people are happy to help" "we find that parents feel empowered once they create a network." Another approach is a gradual approach, ask them to tell one person or involve for example an aunt or uncle. Here we ease them into the idea of telling people slowly. Lastly, sometimes you can show them that they have tried everything and even though it is difficult, they owe it to themselves and to thier child to now truly try everything. Here i show them how determined they are to save thier child that they are willing to ask for help. And if the child is angry that they turned to others they can say, " we will do anything, talk to anyone in order to stop this behavior. "
But having said that, overcoming resistence to supporters meeting can be very difficult indeed.
best of luck
michal

Hi everybody,

We started NVR with a girl of 9 years old and it really had a positive effect. (see former messages) The crises drastically reduced!
We wrote that we will no longer accept it when she hurts other children or adults and when she damages the properties of the center. We did one SMS in that following week.

Now, after a month, the problems are starting again, but with another kind of expression.
Before she would break things down, attack children and social workers physically.
Now, she throws things on the floor without destroying them, she empties bottles of water on the floor when she gets angry and she uses a lot of insulting words towards children and social workers. In a way, it is still better then before, but really not ok...
So we were wondering,
should we do an SMS or should we write another announcement that stresses more attention to the verbal agression and to the throwing with things?

Looking forward to your idea's!

Annelies

Hello Annelies,

great to hear you share the experience of using NVR towards children. As you describe it the effect is sometimes impressive.
The way you describe the situation, I think I would suggest to do another SMS in which you can describe the positive way she was evolving and how strong she is, having found a new way to act at first. Also telling her the current behaviour can't be accepted, will make boundaries clear. When expressing hope towards change, maybe she can describe what happens to her. Maybe she will describe it in an externalising way (does she ever do that?) eg a vulcano inside her or a lion bursting out. Children in our ward use this kind of language quite often and it's very helpfull since then she can be recruited to fight together to conquer what happens to hear at times...and if not the message will at least be supportive. Who are the supporters in the network. Does your team need more supporters to strengthen the message (are the parents involved)?
Also looking forward to other ideas,
Elfi

Hi everybody,

We started NVR with a girl of 9 years old and it really had a positive effect. (see former messages) The crises drastically reduced!
We wrote that we will no longer accept it when she hurts other children or adults and when she damages the properties of the center. We did one SMS in that following week.

Now, after a month, the problems are starting again, but with another kind of expression.
Before she would break things down, attack children and social workers physically.
Now, she throws things on the floor without destroying them, she empties bottles of water on the floor when she gets angry and she uses a lot of insulting words towards children and social workers. In a way, it is still better then before, but really not ok...
So we were wondering,
should we do an SMS or should we write another announcement that stresses more attention to the verbal agression and to the throwing with things?

Looking forward to you idea's!

Annelies

Hello everybody!

I've been reading all messages since I' haven't been on the forum for a while. Sorry for that. I still think it's powerful tool! Some of you really are getting on well. It seems that 'the residentials' are finding each other the most.

On my behalf I haven't exactly 'slept' either. First of all I shared with my colleagues most of the things I learned in Israel (I was trying very hard in setting them on fire as well and I dare say that all of them are much eager to learn more about it and work with it). Since our 'begeleiders' go in the families' homes they have to learn to install NVR themselves. So I'm working on a kind of hand-out which they can use.

In several families (about 5) an announcement was made and in 1 family I set-up a supporters meeting. I wrote about this family earlier on the forum. These supporters are doing a nice job in the meantime and it's having a positive effect on the 15-year-old boy. They take their engagement seriously: inviting the boy to come over, passing by the house to hear how they're doing, taking him for a ride and they come to the home on the parents' request as well.

Because it was very, very difficult for the parents to hang on, we installed another thing: my colleague pays the family her weekly visit on Wednesday and I (supervisor) call the mother (sometimes the father) on Monday and Friday evenings (before and after the weekends!). This has had a positive effect as well, they're feeling much stronger because they hear 3 times a week how well they're doing and in this way they have to reflect more often on their own behaviour which still is initiating agression with their boy but it really diminishes and it is not even taking place weekly anymore (before it was daily business).

Moreover we had a supervision moment with Frank Van Holen and we intend to repeat this every 6 weeks.

So just to let you all know that I/we are not giving up on NVR at all, on the contrary we're becoming fans!

Greets,
Patsi

Hellow Patsi!

Nice to hear there is so much NVR happening in belgium!
We are indeed experimenting on a residential level, but the family therapist are also trying to install it within some of their families. A bit the same process as you I suppose, especially for the kids who are treated on an ambulant level, or those kids who are in 'begeleide uitgroei' (living allready at home but still under our threathment). I really wonder how we can make the power of our network even stronger. I also would love to see all of you again.
Greetings,
Ulla

Hello Patsi,

it's great to hear how you're implementing NVR in your team. Great how your team keeps on believing in change and isn't letting go of the families and keeps on supporting them!
I also find that my collaegues are getting more and more convinced of the different stance it entails compared to non-NVR interventions and how this approach really empowers parents. As part of management in our department I also find the new authority concept a very interesting way of coaching my team (when will it be developed for management?). The nurses in our department are becoming more and more empowered (and less disencouraged,which was understandable if you know the situations they sometimes deal with) and are, on their part, empowering parents.
In Ghent the numbre of fans is also increasing! A funny anecdote: parents of a 11year old boy who we supported with NVR for school phobia, also took part in a parent group session of Friends (cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety). In the middle of the session they began talking about NVR and how this really made a difference. The therapist, who luckily knows allready quite a bit of NVR, found himselve talking about NVR instead of CBT to the parents. The parent group was very interested. So, how NVR can spread where you don't expect it.
Finally, like Ulla I would also find it a great idea to see each other again! What about a "New Authority drink" before the start of the holidays?

Greetings,
Elfi

I'm in for the idea of a presummer drink but maybe we should'nt use the forum for this purpose. We have a large network problem for the moment, we can't be reached by mail for another week. But I'll read mails afterwards.
CU!
Patsi

Dear Patsi,

Idan gave me the possibility to join the forum. Fantastic.
I didn't find the time until now, but started to read the messages today. Interesting, instructive, ....
As you know, I'm convinced that you are doing a great job and that you will succeed in getting your team on the road. Writing a kind of hand-out as you suggest can be helpfull. Maybe you can base yourself on the handbook/treatment protocol we are writing for the treatment of foster children. A protocol is of special intrest and certainly can be very helpfull to counter resistance of therapists to use some NVR-techniques like the sit-in, ... On the other hand , maybe you should first focus on the basic-attitude (NA, vigilant care, ...) before focussing on techniques ...,
Yours,
Frank

Hi Frank,
Great to see you here and I'm sure that your presence will empower the forum (as I well know- it always happens when you are involved in NVR! :-)
I think it will be a very important step to use a protocol for therapists. NVR is a powerful method when it used properly but at the same token it's not an easy strategy to start with as a therapist. In Israel we also face it, every time a new therapist joins our group.Frank's important research and protocol will certainly enable us to promote a better professional and powerful tool.
We need to empower therapists who try to act that way for the first time and this is exactly the reason for setting this forum as an open forum for NVR therapists.I may note here that the forum is open for every therapist who started to use NVR and wants to consult with other NVR therapists. I believe that you can't do NVR by yourself - you need a group to support you!
Maybe we can even use the forum not only to support each other but also to share together ideas concerning therapist's difficulties in starting an NVR program. I'm sure we can find together some interesting ways of doing that. As a starter for this idea I attached here part of the handouts we use at the Parent's Counseling Unit at Schneider's Medical center. This handout is concerning recruiting supporters and the therapist gives it to the parents in treatment. You can use it in any form you wish but I'm sure you all can also suggest improvements for it.
I'm really happy you joined us Frank!!!
Yours,
Idan

Hi Idan, dear colleagues,
Glad to join you in the network. Very intersting and helpfull to me. 'You'll never walk alone', in origine cannot be a football-song (Liverpool). It inevetabely must be an NVR-song.
Just wanted to inform the Belgian-Netherlands-connection that we created a kind of booklet / workbook in Dutch which consists of different brochures (e.g. a brochure on the announcement, on escalation, on the sit-in, etcetera), professionally edited with nice cartoons for parents. They can be given to parents seperatly after a session or to prepare a next session. Luckely we found some sponsering and can offer them at a very democratic price (below the production price - we are not interested in gaining money from those workbooks). In our project they seem very supportive. Interested people can contact me and get an example for free. This way they can decide wether they look interesting to them.
Frank

Hello Frank,

we haven't met personally. I'm a child psychiatrist in the University Hospital in Ghent. Thanks to you and Annik I came to know about NVR and since then my life hasn't been the same (I think Idan, among others, is a bit a victim of my process sometimes :-)). I think it's great how you and your team have implemented NVR and NA. Since we in our department in Ghent (like in Brussels), will be implementing it as well, I will certainly contact you in the future to learn about your process in your team in implementing it.
I think the way you implement it is also important (the NA concept in management?). So I would like to learn. Maybe there are others on this forum who would like to think about the process in a team when you start doing NA? I am convinced that NA in practice will evolve quicker and more naturally when you are or have NA in leadership.
The booklets are a very great tool. I would love to see them sometime. Is it specifically for agressive behaviour in children or also for emotional problems?
I will contact you!

greetings,
Elfi

Dear Elfi,
Nice to hear your infected by the NVR-bacteria. Looking out talking to you. Do contact me.
There are lots of interesting evolutions going on in different settings in Flanders. Getting to know each other, learning from each other, exchange of knowledge and experience, mutual support ... the hearth en body of NVR. The NANI-website is very helpful. Some other initiatives to come:
- At the congress for child psychiatry and psychotherapy in September in Leuven, colleagues from different settings (MPI, home-guidance, child psychiatry, foster care, multifunctional centre in special Youth Care) will discuss some experiences. You will meet several colleagues who attended the training in Tel Aviv.
- Together with te Lorentzhuis in Haarlem we are organising the 2nd international NVR and NA conference entitled: "New developments in NVR. Between New Authority and Attachment". It will take place in Antwerp the 29th and 30th March 2012. Together with Hans and Eliane from the Lorenthuis we are working hard on the program which should be finished this month. I can already lift the veil and tell you all that besides Prof. Haim Omer lots of experienced NVR-specialist from Israel, Germany, UK, Belgium and the Netherlands will be present. You will all hear more about it very soon.
- we should try to publish our experiences to inspire each other. A 2nd article has just been accepted, others are presented and planned. I will ask Idan to put them on NANI as soon as they are published.
Yours,
Frank

G'day Frank.

I would be interetsed in obtaining a copy of the work books you have mentioned.

even in word doc would be helpfull.

thanks
jim

Love to read you on the forum Frank!
I agree in using a protocol when getting into NVR. Can I get a copy of yours so that I can read it and adapt it - if necessary - to home guidance?

Thanks a lot!
Patsi

Dear Patsi,
Maybe we should make it a topic on one of the following supervision-sessions?
See you soon,
Frank

You guys are doing amazing work and taking and exapanding on NVR which is so exciting. But really, leave some work for the rest of us :) !